The Rear Admiral's Table

I Suck at Fantasy Baseball

2008-05-03T19:37:00.001-05:00

That is all.

California To Citizens: All Your Thermostats Are Belong To Us!

2008-01-13T13:03:00.000-06:00

A while back I made this new flag for California as a joke, but the people of the golden state are bound and determined to make me into a prophet. First they passed some ass backwards electricity deregulation that forbade the company that sold the electricity to generate the electricity, which led to the oh so famous rolling blackouts. Now these jokers are trying to take control of people's thermostats; tacitly castrating the male population of California. Ever since the invention of air conditioning it has been the man's job to control the thermostat in his home with an iron fist and a steel will against mother and children who would heedlessly alter the perfection of the home environment.

If you live in California and want the testicles of your state to remain in their respective scrotum's tell Ivan nyet!

Naked Short Stocks

2007-12-07T10:45:00.000-06:00

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

If the Factory Didn't Put Speedholes on Your Car, It Doesn't Need Them.

2007-11-12T22:24:00.000-06:00

I don't know if this happens elsewhere, but in Waco every jackass with $20 sticks those stupid Buick portholes on their cars. its just as annoying as putting fake chrome on your car with the added benefit of telling everyone that you can't even afford a Buick.

The Cake Is A Lie

2007-10-28T03:13:00.000-05:00

Someone Has Been in My Cupboard

2007-10-22T22:41:00.000-05:00

Every day there is less and less peanut butter in the peanut butter jar and I blame Hillary Clinton. It is a vast left wing conspiracy and if she becomes president she will probably move my cheese too. Vote republican; not because you like republicans, but because you dislike democrats and their socialist european overlords.

Where Have all the Benchmarks Gone?

2007-10-02T01:41:00.000-05:00

do dodo dodo do... Seven years ago you couldn't go five minutes on the internet without reading a benchmark shootout of the latest video cards, the latest motherboards, the best cases, the best power supplies, or the best heat sinks. Today benchmarks for video cards and motherboards are few and far between and benchmarks of other computer components are all but non existent. A quick survey of sites I have frequented since the late nineties has confirmed this situation, with the exception of anandtech most of my old and trusted hardware sites seem stagnant in the hardware review/benchmark department. How am I to get my geek on if I can't find info on how the latest 120mm fan affects my quake3 performance.

One Eye.

2007-08-30T23:57:00.001-05:00

That Thing.

2007-08-29T10:44:00.001-05:00

PETA Endorses Domestic Violence

2007-08-20T19:06:00.000-05:00

Domestic Violence
n. Violence toward or physical abuse of one's spouse or domestic partner.
American Heritage Dictionary

What you see is a screen capture from a game created by PETA in order turn people off of KFC. Now there are some conclusions that I have drawn from this image.

PETA wishes to continue the negative racial stereotype that white people don't like fried chicken.
PETA endorses domestic violence against one's significant other or in this case one's rescuer.
PETA doesn't consider humans animals and therefore doesn't believe the widely accepted theory of evolution.

Feel free to draw your own conclusions, but as a white man who loves fried chicken I find number one terribly insensitive and offensive.

ATTN: Writers of all forms of fiction

2007-08-15T10:47:00.000-05:00

I was recently reading Black Light, the very enjoyable sequel to Shooter, but I noticed in this book a plot hole that I have often noticed through the years. The scenario usually goes something like this: the bad guy flew his/her privately own aircraft for some reason, and the hero needs to know about the flight or plane. Inevitably the hero's sidekick says "He had to file a flight plan, lets check that." The only problem is that in most situations; no the bad guy didn't have to file a flight plan. It may have been have been almost 10 years since I obtained my private pilots license, but I was certain that I remembered that VFR (Visual Flight Rules) flights didn't require flight plans, while IFR (Instrument Flight Rules) did. Well I went to the FAA's website and found an online copy of the Aeronautical Information Manual, a rule book for pilots, and it turns I was still correct. Except for certain situations (chapter 5 section 1-6) VFR does not require the filing of a flight plan, although it is highly recommended to file a flight plan as a safety measure.

So there you go, if you're writing something; and the bad guy is flying his plane and you want the protagonist to find some information on the flight take an extra sentence to explain the situation of the flight that required a flight plan to be filed.

Rules for Competitive Mousing

2007-03-06T22:42:00.000-06:00

Competitive Mousing Rules

Tomorrow's champion on the verge of greatness!

Section A.

Background

Competitive mousing is an exciting way for cats and their owners to bond. Originally open to small dogs as well as cats; competitive mousing has come along way from its humble origins, and is now the penultimate venue for elite mousing teams. Competitive mousing was conceived and developed by the RHG (Rodent Haters Guild); a group of vassals fed up with rodents eating noble table scraps meant to nourish their meager and common existences.

Around 1430 A.D. (thats right Anno Domini I don't cotton to that C.E. crap) peasants began domesticating and training small dogs and house cats to wage war on the rodentia pestilentia as they would have referred to it if they were literate. As with all other forms of war the industrial revolution transformed competitive mousing into a sport for the entertainment of the emerging bourgeoisie class in Europe. In 1763 the first officially recognized mousing tournament was conducted in a back alley in Prague and although crude by today's lofty standards all the basic parts were in place.

With the dawning of the modern era of competitive mousing all dogs were banned from sanctioned events, because it was felt that the training of cats required more talent on the part of the owner/trainer. In the Modern era it also became clear that a uniform set of rules was required to allow for even competition on an international level. To that end the RHG and the USNPARL (United States Non Partisan Anti Rodent League) came together to form what is today's universally (a bronzed copy of the rule book was included on both voyager missions) accepted set of rules.

Section B.

Conformity of competitors

Rule 1. All competitors must belong to the genus Felis.
Rule 2. All competitors must belong to the species Silvestris.
Rule 3. Competitors may not be shaved to achieve an aerodynamic advantage.
Rule 4. Competitors may not use artificial aids to enhance their performance.
Rule 5. Competitors claws may not be sharpened by their owners; the competitors may however sharpen their own claws.
Rule 6. Competitors will be divided into two (2) groups typical and non-typical.: Rule 6a. The typical group will be comprised of "average" cats with five (5) toes and five (5) claws on each of the front paws of the competitor.; Rule 6b. The non-typical group will be comprised of all hairless breeds and any polydactyly competitors.

Section C.

Conformity of competitors with respect to professional and sponsored competition

Subsection C1. Introduction to new section; As the popularity of this sport has grown it has become common place for competitors and their owner/trainer's to be sponsored by individuals or corporations. With that in mind the governing bodies have created this new section of the rules to assert their will on the ever more powerful professional competitors.
Rule 1. Competitors may display one (1) "logo" or other symbol of the sponsor at a time.
Rule 2. Competitors may not alter their fur in any way other than what is necessary to affix the sponsor "logo".: Rule 2a. Competitors in the non-typical group may not alter their skin other than what is necessary to affix the sponsor "logo".
Rule 3. Owners/Trainers may affix as many "logos" to their body as they wish.

Section D.

Acceptable Locations for Competition

Rule 1. The location must posses a system to contain competitors and their prey.
Rule 2. The location must provide officials with appropriate locations for executing their official duties.
Rule 3. The location may or may not provide facilities for the use of spectators at their own discretion.
Rule 4. The competitive "arena" may employ obstacles to add a higher degree of difficulty to the competitors.

Section E.

Structure of Competition

Rule 1. A predetermined number of prey will be placed in the competitive "arena".
Rule 2. All competitors of the same group will be placed in a sack.
Rule 3. The bag shall be shaken vigorously and then the competitors shall be released into the competitive "arena".
Rule 4. Competitors will place all captured prey dead or alive in their respective bins.
Rule 5. At the end of regulation time the competitor's scores will be tallied.

Section F.

Scoring

Rule 1. Dead prey will be counted as one (1) point.
Rule 2. Live prey will be counted as two (2) points.
Rule 3. In the event of a tie one half (.5) point will be subtracted for each partial carcass in the competitor's bin.

Section G.

Addendum to the rules of Competitive Mousing

Addendum to Section B. Rule 6a.

Addendum B1. Cats possessing "dew claws" on the hind legs are deemed to conform to they spirit of Section B. Rule 6a. and therefore may compete in the typical group without having said "dew claws" removed.

Addendum to Section B. Rule 6.

Addendum B2. The governing bodies reserve the right to create as necessary a third group of competition that ignores the rules of Section B. while still adhering to the spirit of the section. This "unlimited" group will be created when the governing bodies and competing populace determine that it is necessary for the group to be created in order to grow the sport or to foster a greater degree of difficulty in order maintain a competitive atmosphere.

Addendum to Section D. Rule 4.

Addendum D1. After an incident at the 1964 World Series of Mousing the governing bodies have determined that the competitive "arena" may not contain obstacles that are lethal to competitors and prey.

i.e. tiger traps, guillotines, deadfalls, etc.

Addendum D2. The exception to Addendum D1. will be bodies of water shallower than three (3) feet.

Section H.

Closing

Any dispute of the rules or suggestions for new rules may be submitted to the governing bodies at the biannual meeting of the governing bodies of competitive mousing. All submissions will be heard by the rules commission and all rulings will be considered the conclusion of a submission.

The reason for the season

2006-12-12T17:05:00.000-06:00

During this winter season the Space Pope would like to remind you

A Short Review of Harsh Times

2006-11-14T23:39:00.000-06:00

Harsh Times is the first movie that I can honestly say that I identified with the black character. This is no small feat considering I am in fact a middle class white guy from Texas. Congratulations to everyone who was involved in this movie for making a two hour lecture that is not boring.

Just Deserts Worse Than Just Desserts

2006-11-02T14:08:00.000-06:00

Synopses: Kid tries to steal account, but gets his own account stolen.
http://futuremark.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23914

br0kenrabbit says:
hi

Greg_ValveOLS says:
good evening

br0kenrabbit says:
What's ip?

br0kenrabbit says:
up?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
my name is greg a member of the valve online Support team

br0kenrabbit says:
On MSN?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
yes :)

br0kenrabbit says:
Why?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
we logged multiple ips from your account and ned to verifi your information

br0kenrabbit says:
My information?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
we believe someone may have stolen your account mmmm you havent shared youre account infomation with anyone have you?

br0kenrabbit says:
No. I don't even have it written down.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
hmmm maybe a keylogger on you r PC then maybe you need a format?

br0kenrabbit says:
Well...

Greg_ValveOLS says:
if you can verify your account information to me i can insure that only your ip have access to it Its a new security feature were trying because this happens so muchlogin names and passwords aint safe anymroe You know. L:)

br0kenrabbit says:
Well

Greg_ValveOLS says:
dont worry this connect it secure

br0kenrabbit says:
Can I be honest with you, Greg?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

br0kenrabbit says:
Look, I don't know how you go this MSN account name, don't really care, either.

br0kenrabbit says:
Unlike you, I DO work for Valve. Trace my ip and you'll see.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
huh?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
bs

br0kenrabbit says:
Trace it.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
how

br0kenrabbit says:
Start/run/cmd type Tracert and then my IP address and hit enter.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
oh k

br0kenrabbit says:
As an employee, I know that Valve employees will NEVER contact users over MSN. I also know a valve employee will NEVER ask a user for his/her username and password.

br0kenrabbit says:
I'm putting a temporary hold on your Steam account.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
why?

br0kenrabbit says:
Have you read the ToS?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
Tod?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
tos

br0kenrabbit says:
terms of service

Greg_ValveOLS says:
were?

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg, this is a serious infraction against the Tos. You are at risk of losing your account.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
why

br0kenrabbit says:
I just told you why

Greg_ValveOLS says:
:(

br0kenrabbit says:
I need some information from you if you want me to unlock you account. I'm going to write you up but I will only suspend you account for three days, since this is your first infraction, okay?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

br0kenrabbit says:
First, what is the name the account is registered to. Not the user name, the persons real name who created the account. This is for verification purposes.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxx xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Is this you?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Are you the only user of this account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay, and what is the username

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay.

br0kenrabbit says:
I see you have purchased a few of our games, thank you. :)

Greg_ValveOLS says:
some. dude

Greg_ValveOLS says:
m

br0kenrabbit says:
Do you always log on from the same IP?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
And who is your internet providers, your ISP?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Thank you. One moment, please, let me verify this information.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
am i gonna be bale to play 2nite?

br0kenrabbit says:
What is your city of residence?

br0kenrabbit says:
That depends on if you cooperate. You're doing fine so far.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Illinios?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
yes

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. And what is the password associated with this account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. Do not try to log into steam. If you are connected now you need to log off.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
why

br0kenrabbit says:
So I can update your account.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
can I play 2 nite

Greg_ValveOLS says:
clan fight

Greg_ValveOLS says:
wont win without me heh

br0kenrabbit says:
Heh. You'll have to wait a few minutes. Are you logged off?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. Give me just a moment.

br0kenrabbit says:
Try to log in now.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

Greg_ValveOLS says:
It says login failed wtf wtf!!@?

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
did u ban me???????????>WHY

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what

br0kenrabbit says:
Valve will never ask for your username and password.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what????

br0kenrabbit says:
I don't work for Valve dude, but you just got pwnt.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
omg dude wtf why?

br0kenrabbit says:
Why were you trying to steal my account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
i wanst

br0kenrabbit says:
Then why were you asking for my information?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
i was just making a joke but not cerious honest dude just give
my acount back pllllleeease i'm only 13 and save d up for like a year to buy it

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
dude pleas

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what

br0kenrabbit says:
Go mow some yards, bitch.

Baseball 2006 Retrospective

2006-10-13T12:14:00.000-05:00

Damn.

I just had a Headache with Pictures.

2006-09-11T20:21:00.000-05:00

The gist of it being that The Matrix is yet one more example of Hollywood bad guys being stupid.

Exhibit A, why do the machine grown people still apparently have sex organs. I seriously doubt Neo would have been getting it on with Trinity if he looked like a ken doll down there. I'll put it terms that even those dumbass machines would understand;

lim
Manhood → 0+ Life = PENIS

The reason why the machines shouldn't want their machine grown fuel to have sexual organs is simple; once Neo figures out what to do it won't be long until there are five or six little neos ready to wreck shit all up and down the machine capital of 01. This argument holds true even without The One; I can't speak for everyone, but I know for myself that if I was chilling in Zion and there were only a few thousand people left I would definitely be doing my patriotic duty and knocking up every chick in sight. I know that Zion is a small town, but there would be at least ten other men like me. Before long us, eleven horny, bastards would have grown our own army. So the machines are stupid for not deleting the sex organs of their batteries, but there is something they didn't do that is even more stupid.

This one is so obvious that I should kill myself and everyone else who didn't notice this the first time they saw The Matrix. Why do the machine grown people have arms and legs? This can only lead to trouble, but apparently after like eight tries those retarded machines still didn't figure it out. Since we never saw Neo fly in the real world we can only assume that he can't fly in the real world. The One wouldn't be able to get much done in a world mostly populated by human inchworms, especially when he himself was also a human inchworm. One might make the erroneous argument that the machines left the arms and legs on the people because it was a more efficient producer of energy. Even if you ignore the fact the machines had no problem producing vast quantities of people; one can't ignore the fact that roughly ninety five percent of a humans body heat is concentrated in their head and their torso. So why risk the possibility of being overthrown by your own fuel source when you can just genetically engineer them without the means to ruin your shit; and growing another five extra physically handicapped humans per one hundred normal ones wouldn't be that big of a problem. Especially with the extra security you would gain from doing things that way.

In conclusion the machines are stupid and The Matrices, while decent movies, are also stupid as are most movies. In fact people should start reading books instead of going to movies their plots are still just as full of holes, but at least you can sell a book to a used book store and recoup some of your losses; I've never met anyone dumb enough to buy a used movie ticket. Maybe I should try to find those machines.

Whats In A Name?

2006-09-02T11:06:00.000-05:00

Big Puma - n.

A Big Puma glides effortlessly, and moves with cat-like nimbleness around the bases. Big Puma would never, ever fall while running the bases. Watching Big Puma accelerate gracefully to full speed has been known to make grown men cry. Occasionally, if you listen intently, you can hear the Big Puma battle cry: Raaayyrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

urban dictionary

Knowledge is Power???2??@QUESTIONMARK?

2006-08-05T21:04:00.001-05:00

Did you know that the original designation for the blackbird spyplane was RS-71, but President Johnson said SR-71 whe he announced it. So they changed the designation to SR-71 to save hime the embarancement. How times have changed.

Please point your derision at this person

2006-07-20T23:59:00.000-05:00

Shelley The Republican

And guess what software Osama Bin Laden uses on his laptop?

If you guessed it was Linux you would be 100% right. Osama uses Linux because he knows designed to counterfeit DVD's, circumventing the Digital millennium Copyright Act, and defraud companies like Disney.

Yep, ripping DVD's and killing all Jews are the terrorist two main goals; in that order. Besides the fact that the ability to break DVD decryption is independent of operating system; Linux was only started by a European, but now development is pretty much worldwide. What's more Linux was designed to be a free version of Unix an American invention; and what's even more a whole lot of the American government uses Linux in their facilities.

This person also has no concept of global economy; not that I am any great economist, but I do understand that most large American companies are so globalized that they have ceased being American in all but sentiment (i.e. GM cars having mostly foreign components). The author's IBM laptop for example was most likely, unless it is pretty old, manufactured in China by those commie bastards at Lenovo.

The Fact that this implies that people who use Linux are somehow sinners is laughable. The amount of drugs necessary to find an interpretation of scripture denouncing the Linux operating system would kill an elephant.

Even though the article made my troll sensor explode, I just couldn't help saying something. The fact that its hosted on a server running Linux is just more evidence pointing to the inevitable confession of trollism.

Fuck you Al Gore

2006-06-14T20:47:00.000-05:00

I only have three things to say about *deep scary voice* global warming.

1. The global climate has and will continue to change regarless of human involvement. We may have sped it up, but "global warming" has been in effect for about 400-500 years; since the end of the little ice age [wikipedia.org].

2. More nuclear reactors and one fast reactor [wikipedia.org] for every normal reactor. No more coal, coal gas, heating oil, wind, water, etc. power plants needed.

3. et cetera.

Baseball 2006 Predictions

2006-04-02T16:14:00.000-05:00

First things first, I should really change the title. These aren't predictions they are fact, this smoldering shrub told me the outcome of the 2006 MLB season and it also empowered yours truly to spread the truth. Second, I spent all offseason analyzing why the Astros didn't even win one game in the World Series and all the data points to the fact that Houston has the most expensive beer in all of baseball. Unfortunately when I presented my findings to the janitor at minute made park he only laughed at me, thus the astros are doomed to get swept in the World Series again this year. Okay, I didn't analyze anything, the smoldering shrub actually told me that also, but I probably could have figured it out on my own what with my amazing ability to get C's in statistics classes. We'll go through the outcomes for the NL teams first, mainly because I just flat out don't like the AL, anyone can throw chin music in the bottom of the fourth knowing the DH is coming up to bat second in the top of the fifth.

Houston Astros
101-62
NL wild card (loses NL central tiebreaker)
Defeats Atlanta in first round
Defeats SanFrancisco for pennant
Loses to AL team due to astronomic price of suds
Oswalt wins 30 games with a 0.095 ERA, but still doesn't get Cy Young

St.Louis Cardinals
102-61
NL Central Champion (wins NL central tiebreaker)
Loses to SanFransisco in first round
Pujols hits between 15 and 134 HR, has a .314 BA, and 92 RBI.
Pujols wins NL triple crown

P.S. The definition of triple crown as pertains to baseball will be rewritten due to Pujols large number of homeruns. The new triple crown can be won in the original fashion or it can be won by hitting a shit load of homeruns and coming close in the batting average and runs batted in categories. Marketers and ad execs everywhere revel in watering down yet another formerly meaningful sporting achievement to ensure better advertising revenue.

Atlanta Braves
96-66
NL East Champion
Loses to Houston in first round
Chipper Jones retires in disgust and opens a B&B in Savannah

New York Mets
85-77
As it is ordained, the Mets spend lots of money only to wallow in mediocrity

SanFrancisco Giants
77-85
NL West Champion
Defeats St.Louis in first round
Well timed surge in prostitution and gay pride parades is the key to SanFrancisco's win in the first round, but is also their downfall in the second round.

The rest of the of the NL is irrelevant, but I will say this Cubs 52-100. That's right the Cubs will become the first baseball team in America to commit ritual seppuku, a trick they learned in the offseason from the kanji Purple Headed Dragons a minor league affiliate of the Osaka Tigers. So for those of you in Chicago, remember that football is only seven short months away.

WoW Hero Classes

2006-02-22T12:12:00.000-06:00

Someone posted this on a forum I frequent, and all I can say is damn I hope its true.

Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 10:48 pm Post subject: Hero Classes

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THIS THREAD WAS DELETED AS SOON AS IT WAS POSTED LUCKILY I SAVED IT AS SOON AS I SAW IT, TRUE OR UNTRUE WE SHALL SEE, STILL A GOOD READ

Sources inside Blizz have revealed their plans for hero classes. Blizzard does plan to release hero classes with the expansion, but they haven’t explicitly stated it because they want to announce it close to the release date, insuring a huge amount of hype. I haven’t been told much more than the basics, but I’ll try to explain the system as best as I can:

At any given level there is a certain amount of content; at level 60, the amount of content is very disproportionate with the available content for other levels. The reason is obvious: it is the current endgame, and players need something to enjoy. However, with the level cap raised players would be able to blow through and skip a lot of the content that has been developed over the past year, and allowing players to do so would be a poor use of the developers’ time. This is where hero classes come in.

You will be stuck at level 60, just like you are now, even when the expansion comes out. An epic quest (of REALLY epic proportions) for each hero class will be made available to level 60 players. The only way to break the level 60 barrier will be to go on one of these quests to become a hero class. The quest will require the player to do a lot of solo content as well as a variety of group and raid content. Upon completion of the quest, the player will become a level 61 hero class . They can then once again begin their normal level progression. A hero class is not innately more powerful than a normal class (but the level differentiation makes them more powerful of course). Hero classes will be available to everyone and although the hardcore players will naturally get their hero classes first, it is designed so that players of all play styles will be able to become a hero class in a reasonable amount of time. Blizzard’s implementation of hero classes will accomplish a lot of things. It will create a natural barrier at level 60 that will insure that the average player will experience more of the content Blizz has developed, it gives players a way of further differentiating themselves, and it adds a huge amount of new dynamics between different classes.

Each race/class combination will have 2 hero classes available to them (with several overlapping). This presents a monumental balance job (there are about 50 hero classes), which is probably another reason why Blizzard is delaying the information release. Choosing your hero class will be irreversible, much like the tradeskill masteries. Some hero classes are an extension of the “father” class, some have tweaked mechanics, while others are radically different. The easiest example I can think of is a Night Elf priest, for which the 2 hero classes are a Priest(ess) of the Moon (a continuation of the priest’s current form) and Demon Hunter (an agility-based combat hero with a variety of discipline-esque abilities). So without further ado, here is a brief overview of some of the hero classes:

DRUIDS

Night Elf Druid:
Arch Druid: This will be a hybrid class in the same vein as its “father” class, and Storm Crow form may make a reappearance.

Keeper of the Grove: The druid will sacrifice some of his shapeshifting abilities in exchange for improved healing and casting, and will even be able to command treants on occasion.

Tauren Druid:
Arch Druid: see above

Elder: This is essentially a druid that has lost some shapeshifting abilities and gained some beast-like abilities similar to the hunter. The casting and healing abilities are also amped up, but not nearly as much as the Keeper of the Grove. The Elder also has a bit of the Diablo II druid mixed in for good measure.

HUNTERS

Night Elf Hunter:
Ranger: The Ranger is sort of a hunter/rogue mix. The Ranger will use the energy bar, will have a few stealthy abilities (but not of the same caliber as the rogue), and will no longer have a pet.

Beastmaster: The Beastmaster focuses more on the beast aspect than the ranged aspect of the hunter. He gains new beast abilities, such as switching pets in battle, and is a bit meaner in melee combat in exchange for a lot of his ranged hitting power.

Dwarf Hunter:
Mountaineer: The Mountaineer is similar to the ranger (no pet, energy bar), but without the stealth aspects. The Mountaineer is hardier in melee combat than the hunter and and also has more extensive tracking and detection abilities.

Beastmaster: see above

Orc Hunter:
Outrider: The Outrider is very similar to the wolfrider from Warcraft III, focusing on swift maneuvers and incapacitating enemies. He uses the energy bar.

Beastmaster: see above

Tauren Hunter:
Tracker: The Tracker uses the energy bar like the Mountaineer, but still retains the hunter pet, and as a result is not as tough as the Mountaineer.

Beastmaster: see above

Troll Hunter:
Shadowhunter: This is essentially a hunter that drops some of it’s beast and survival abilities for some shadow spells (think Hex). The Shadowhunter still uses mana.

Headhunter: The Headhunter still has the ranged emphasis of the hunter, but it focuses on throwing weapons (a massive revamp for throwing weapons is planned). The Headhunter uses energy, has more combat abilities, and drops the pet.

MAGES

Human Mage:
Archmage: The Archmage is an exact extension of the mage class, with arcane, fire, and frost spells. Apparently one of the abilities being toyed around with is Summon Water Elemental. The planned incarnation of the spell will be a long-cooldown summon that will not function like a normal pet, and will instead function more along the lines of the Mechanical Yeti (no player control).

Necromancer: The only similarity between the Necromancer and the mage is the emphasis on magical damage. The necromancer uses shadow damage and has a major focus on pets, similar to the warlock. However, unlike other pet classes, the majority of the Necromancer’s damage will come from the pet instead of the Necromancer. I do not know if the Necromancer will be able to have multiple pets out at once.

Gnome Mage:
Archmage: see above

Arcanist: The Arcanist is similar to the mage, with a focus on arcane magic. The Arcanist does slightly less damage than the Archmage, but gains added utility and new support spells.

Undead Mage:
Archmage: see above

Necromancer: see above

Troll Mage:
Hydromancer: The Hydromancer is similar to the Arcanist, but with a focus on the frost tree. The Hydromancer may also receive the Summon Water Elemental spell. In addition to added utility and support spells, the Hydromancer will also get some limited healing abilities.

Shadowcaster: The Shadowcaster is essentially a mage that uses shadow magic instead of fire and frost.

PALADINS

Human Paladin:
Templar: The Templar is the holy warrior that so many paladins wanted their class to be. The Templar has limited healing, but receives a slew of new combat abilities, making the Templar much better at tanking and melee damage than the paladin.

Cleric: The Cleric is the other side of the paladin spectrum. Instead gaining new combat abilities, the Cleric gains improved healing, more utility and support, and some holy damage spells.

Dwarf Paladin:
Templar: see above

Cleric: see above

PRIESTS

Human Priest:
High Priest: The High Priest is essentially a priest that drops the shadow tree, but gains new damage spells from holy and discipline. The High Priest will be the most powerful healer in the game.

Spellbreaker: The Spellbreaker wears mail, has several combat abilities and diminished healing, and has several anti-caster abilities.

Dwarf Priest:
Thane: The Thane is basically a priest in mail, with a slight hit to healing abilities but a few new combat abilities.

Runelord: The Runelord is similar to the High Priest, although not as healing heavy.

Night Elf Priest:
Priest of the Moon: The Priest of the Moon is similar to the High Priest as well, but has some extra damage and utility spells coming from arcane and nature magics.

Demon Hunter: The Demon Hunter is radically different in playstyle from the priest. The Demon Hunter is a mana-using melee damage hero class. The Demon Hunter has a mix of discipline spells and combat abilities with some shadow spells mixed in.

Undead Priest:
High Priest: see above

Shadow Priest: The name is pretty self-explanatory. The Shadow Priest does not have all the healing abilities of the High Priest, but makes several gains in the damage, utility, and crowd control departments.

Troll Priest:
Shadow Priest: see above

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ROGUES

Gnome Rogue:
Assassin: The Assassin is an extension of the rogue with damage, stealth, poisons, and martial arts.

Scout: The Scout has slightly less damage than the Assassin, but is tougher in combat, and has the ability to use traps among other new utilities.

Human Rogue:
Assassin: see above

Scout: see above

Dwarf Rogue:
Assassin: see above

Pitfighter: The Pitfighter is a rogue without stealth, but with improved combat and defensive abilities.

Night Elf Rogue:
Assassin: see above

Scout: see above

Orc Rogue:
Assassin: see above

Pitfighter: see above

Undead Rogue:
Assassin: see above

Scout: see above

Troll Rogue:
Assassin: see above

Scout: see above

SHAMANS

Orc Shaman:
Farseer: The Farseer has more emphasis on healing and casting than the shaman, and as a result has less combat ability. The Farseer doesn’t use totems but gains it utility from other abilities. Feral Spirit might make an appearance using a system similar to the Water Elemental.

Spirit Walker: The Spirit Walker is a more direct extension of the shaman than the Farseer, maintaining a rough balance of combat, casting, and healing ability.

Tauren Shaman:
Farseer: see above

Spirit Walker: see above

Troll Shaman:
Witch Doctor: The Witch Doctor is similar to the Farseer, but has a heavy emphasis on totems. In addition to the elemental magics the Witch Doctor also uses some shadow magic.

Spirit Walker: see above

WARLOCKS

Human Warlock:
Master Warlock: The Master Warlock is an extension of the warlock class, keeping the pet and the vast majority of the warlock mechanics.

Shadowguard: The Shadowguard has more melee emphasis than the warlock, and loses the demonic pet. The Shadowguard on his own is weaker than other melee classes, but is aided by demonic-type abilities (such as burning blood and fiery breath) to power himself up.

Gnome Warlock:
Master Warlock: see above

Shadowguard: see above

Orc Warlock:
Master Warlock: see above

Shadowguard: see above

Undead Warlock:
Master Warlock: see above

Shadowguard: see above

WARRIORS

Blizz hasn’t fleshed out warrior hero classes as much as the others, so I wasn’t able to get much on them. However, it has been confirmed that Orc warriors do have the option to become a Blademaster!

Question marks (?) denote a hero class that hasn’t been decided on by the developers yet. I don’t know the Blood Elf hero classes. I don’t know the new Alliance race (although I hear they’re going to reveal it soon). I have no idea how talent/abilities are going to work, I don’t know what will happen to armor requirements and class specific sets, etc. Everything I know I’ve posted here, and it is subject to change as it is still in fairly early development stages.

True

2006-02-15T10:20:00.000-06:00

I Submit to You: A Religion of Peace

2006-02-08T08:38:00.000-06:00